My life on the Edge

 

I woke up this morning in the middle of a dream where I felt I was on the edge of things.

Having been totally involved with my children growing up, I now feel I am “on the edge”; I hear about how wonderful my grandchildren are from Adrian, my husband, who remains loyal to me. He tells me about how wonderful Rasmus is, aged nearly one, when he looks into Adrian’s eyes, as he would mine. It is important that Adrian tells me these things, which makes it a double difficulty for me as I want to hear them, and I always enjoy them even though I can’t exactly do them.

Adrian tells me how Alexia loves her nursery-rhyme book which he gave her from us for her second birthday, and he showed me a video which Jonathan had sent him, of Jonathan playing the nursery-rhymes on his keyboard and singing them with Alexia which, of course, I enjoyed seeing … and longed to join in with them.

Adrian chooses Christmas gifts for the children and has decided that cards will suffice for the adults; so far he has been good at selecting things for our grandchildren. I am used to agreeing with what people suggest!

I am aware that I watch Masterchef while realising that I never go near a kitchen nor am I likely to try any of the delicate touches they do!

Another reason why I feel I am on the edge is that Adrian texts our children often and I can’t do that. I hear, from Classic FM, about how you can text Crisis at Christmas to make a donation, but I felt that decision was in Adrian’s hands. Since then I have found a friend who had the same experience so we are going to donate together.

I have my own telephone which I can answer when I have got my Possum pad on, or when I have a friend here who can press the “hands free” button on the phone so I can hear who it is and we can talk to make arrangements, taking me off “the edge”!

Having a neighbour, Sheila, who is always shouting out about how she is afraid, reminds me of my vulnerable situation …

I hope people are used to my use of dot dot dot!

Mary Smith     2nd December 2016

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One Response to My life on the Edge

  1. Jacob Clark says:

    Hi Mary,
    Glad to hear you’re doing better. I found this post moving, it’s feels like an insight into what it has been like for you. ‘Life on the edge’ makes me think about things I would have never picked up on, like having control over who you want to donate to and decisions about gifts and/or cards. It sounds doubled edged, wanting to be involved in people’s lives but at the same time how painful it is not being able to get fully into it. Look forward to seeing you and your giant family at Christmas.
    Lots of love,
    Jacob

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